Pitch Please!

I have these huge flashes of regret very often. Most often when I have an opportunity and miss it purely because of this little demon called self-doubt. Getting past that is a dream!

Be it pitching an idea at work or getting on stage to sing just because you love it. 

So don't wait. Grab those scary shots 'cause before you know it, they'll be long gone.

Yet another year passes by..

Seems like just yesterday, that I was counting down the last few days of 2013. It is truly amazing how time flies. It certainly goes by faster when you have your hands full with a tonne of things to do.

Its just another year actually.. no big deal.. if it wasn't for society and evolution, we wouldn't have bothered keeping a track of time or have calendars for that matter.

But that being said, 2014 has been really special for me. I think I have matured way beyond what I was just a year ago. Taking chances can really pull out all that pent up negativity one has. And i surely took a whole lot of chances and learnt a lot this year.

Learning to let go of things you cannot single handedly change. Learning to keep your judgments aside when you meet people. Learning to ignore negative words that are thrown around at you. Learning not to second guess yourself. Learning to treasure what you have. Learning to accept and reason. Learning to appreciate. Learning to face your fears. Learning balance. Learning independence. Learning that the easy way isn't always the best.

And lots more...

I travelled a lot this year, and there is nothing more satisfying than discovering a place that you haven't seen before; or explored on your own terms. It is truly one of the best things to spend your money on.
Somebody once told me.. we all 'earn a living'. But are we really 'living'? What really is the point of piling up all your money. You will be dead and gone by the time you decide to actually use it up!

Travelling is so important, what life are you living if you have explored the unseen? A dear friend told me something about livelihood a couple of months ago... This friend of mine had met a very successful and influential businesswoman who worked her way up from being a clerk, to the CEO of a company and yet, held on to a piece of advice her parents gave her. It was about wages. This woman said that one must divide their monthly wages into the following four portions -

1/4th for your food
1/4th for your rent
1/4th for your travel, and
1/4th for your savings

So simple and do-able. (but then we have those devils called EMIs :D)...

Anyway, heres hoping that we 'live' life this year and the years to come...

Cheers!

(whoever is reading this, watch this space for the next post on my recent travels.. theres so much to share! Textually and visually...)

Re-birth!

So here I am... writing again... With my most common opening phrase... Long overdue!!

So we all have our own little demons... And I think I just got rid of my biggest one! Low self-esteem!

I was always very passionate about a ton of things... music, animal welfare, art, photography... the list is endless...
But never took all of them seriously... I have myself to blame... treaded the easy path...
The easy path is no fun actually... it's a bore... predictable and safe...

So what happens when you start getting out of your comfort zone? You end up discovering so much more about yourself...
which is what happened to me in the past couple of months...

I was this person with absolutely no confidence... I failed to express myself most often...

The funny thing is, I was quite confident as a kid... I would sing, dance and act in all those extremely cliche competitions, recitals and annual days back in school...
You look at things in black and white when you're a child.... you don't, rather can't overanalyse...
You aren't affected by 'what people think of you'... You just 'be'..

Just like how animals live by instinct... they want something... they get it... simple...

Things get complicated when you get older... you have to be practical, responsible, careful about what you say... and all that hogwash...

Well anyway... moving on...

Music....

Was introduced to me at a very young age... My earliest memories of music are Jim Reeves' christmas carols that my father would oh-so-religiously collect over the years... He had every possible cassette released by Jim Reeves! And they were so comforting!

I grew up listening to all kinds of artists later... from Classical to Country to Pop!... And then my early teenage phase turned into the bubblegum pop phase... yes, stuff like Aqua, Bewitched!!

Which finally graduated into a Bon Jovi/ GnR and metal phase by the time I turned 16! MtV played a huge role at the time!

I owe my love for music to my father actually... had it not been for his interest in music... i might have missed out on some great stuff...

Yanni, Connie Francis, Abba, Vivaldi, the Beegees, Chris Rea.... my memory of listening to these on loop during family road trips will never fade away!

I attended music classes in primary school.. Most Indian parents send their kids for Hindustani music... and thats what happened!
But nothing stuck... because my dad had a transferable job and my teachers kept changing...

After school... I pretty much gave up on all my interests... just scraped through 5 years of college studying something I hated... focussing more on how crappy my life was, instead of looking for a silver lining...

I always loved singing, but guarded myself by singing only in groups... I would flatly refuse even when I was handed opportunities to go solo...

It was in my third/fourth year of law that I felt this void and decided to take up classes for guitar... my favourite instrument! Learned some basic chords and strumming from a small institute... and started using Youtube and online tabs for further guidance... Things phased out again... I had other stuff to worry about... Job... Money...all of that stuff..

Jumped three jobs in two years and ended up being more clueless than ever... The third job was my last resort... I had to stick with something..

So I stuck... and still am! And this time, I made a conscious decision to have a life outside work... So, four months back, I found Nathaniel School of Music in Bangalore... I had always heard of all the big names in the Bangalore Music circuit... but never knew that they were imparting musical education as well... Decided to give myself a kickstart... And quite a kickstart it was... I took up a course called Music Method, which gives you the opportunity to perform on stage at the end of four months of learning... And boy, what a ride it was...

I learnt things I had no clue about... met some amazing people... and jammed my heart out!

And last week, I played at my graduation concert with my fellow classmates; and as cheesy as this sounds, it felt like re-birth... A part of me felt like a child again... the same kid who would fearlessly sing and dance in school plays and competitions...

I even gave an impromptu speech on stage...! (which is so unlike me!)

Things seem easier now... I don't have to struggle... Just have to 'be'...


In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt -

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. 

You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' 

You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” 

Shackle free and super happy!

Baggage... one of the worst things to carry around...
When the mind is free of things that tie you down and when you can actually 'let go'... the sense of relief that follows is like no other...

Being antagonised for your core beliefs is one hell of a blow sometimes... but it's picking yourself up right after, that counts...

Shaking yourself up and rerunning priorities through your mind can be amazingly refreshing...

Yup, i sound like a self-help author... but the best part, that i've come to realise is that, if you don't believe in yourself completely... you'll always be affected by the people who judge you and pick on your vulnerabilities...

It's changes like these that make me look forward to what the future holds...

Midnight Rain...

As the rain lashes by railings,
Little droplets slide away in perfect lines..

Fragrant mud sputters around,
Staining leaves in lovely patterns

The rain silences some,
while others frolic carefree

Trees are happily drenched,
And the muck washed away

The sky, resplendent with bursts of light,
Almost rants away, grumbling!

Little beings find shelter,
Silently enjoying the breezy showers

Umbrellas, raincoats and rain-shoes,
brought out to fight the drizzle...

Hot cups of tea, with lots of ginger,
by the windowsill...

The ones that make me happy...

There is nothing like the unconditional love of an animal... You give them a little attention or a friendly pat, even a whistle for that matter... their response can make you feel wonderful about yourself! Most often, even people can't make you feel that special...

I love….

veganism, green revolution, art, music, adventure, seas, oceans, rivers, food, books, literature, ink, textures, plants, animals, swimming, teaching, bombay, tattoos, piercings, reality, dreams, pondicherry, marbles, cotton, leaves, flowers, trees, glaciers, road-trips, bikes, backpacks, cameras, tobacco, marijuana, water, shade, sun, snow, rain, wind, colour, jewelry, fruits, cocoa, coffee beans, technology, tea, sustainability, sport, sugar, languages, beads, laughter, lip balm, kohl, braids, stones, growth, entertainment, glass, fire, theatre, silver, blue, hair locks, crystal, feet, platinum, wood, arms, alcohol, synchrony, words, cartoons, wisdom, objectivism, positivity, happiness, spas, meditation, coral, dolphins, sand, tranquility, family, pencils, paper, europe, shoes, scarves, chiffon, butterflies, guitars….

Contentment!

The delicious green-blue of the earth... the chill of the winds and waters...

The sound of music, the notes, the voices...

The beauty and wonder of literature, the colour of words...

The ravishing wild... the myriad vibrant creatures...

The compassionate human....

Few things that make life worthwhile... purposeful...

Took me quite a while to see them...
There is nothing more fulfilling than knowing what you want your life to be... seeing it all...

Thoughts... bubbles... moments... 

Shame on 'Us'...

Why are humans the only sadistic beings? What makes them so?

Last evening, I saw something that shocked the living day-lights out of me... A live pigeon was tied to a branch of a tree in my colony, by its foot...

The bird struggled from time to time, and sometimes it just sat clueless more-so, helpless...

This was certainly a deliberate act done for an absolutely atrocious purpose...

I know that animals do not possess the power of reason... But in that very moment, I thought of what the bird might be feeling...

And I couldn't possibly imagine... 

I freed her with the kind help of the laundry-man... 

But i couldn't avoid reflecting on why someone would do something so heartless to a divine, beautiful and defenseless creature...

No such motive would ever suffice...

Memoirs of Little Hazel

I saw her for the first time, on a dull afternoon...
Cuddled up in my garage...

She glanced at me with her tender eyes...
Longing for nothing but company...

I fed and cleansed her every once in a while...
For which she loved me endlessly...

She was familiar with the thump of my bike...
And pranced along every time i came home...

I never thought of naming her... .
I just knew her as my little hazel-eyed girl...

She was petite and beautiful...
Calm yet alert when necessary...

I wasn't there by her side when she suffered...
Which disturbed me beyond limits...

All that made me feel better was that...
She didn't writhe in pain anymore...

I won't see her now... my little girl...
And I just wish i could say goodbye...

But at the end of it all...
Maybe loving is about letting go...

That's my girl in the center, with her pup to the left!

Demeaning yourself… settling for scum…

Lying and deceiving… till you have nothing real to hold…

It’s all a farce… this life you call your own…

You made yourself weak…

Gave your mind and body away…

You were lovely… unique as ever…

Lost it all to a façade you live now…

I wish I could talk to you…

But you listen no more…

And I wish I could tell you how real you were before…

I adored you for reasons aplenty…

Which ceased to exist…

When you chose to be another person…

I hope you see what they’ve done to you…
How they’ve crippled you…

These people you live by…

I wish you trusted yourself enough…

To see from your own eyes...

Material Me....

I've never really been an exhibition enthusiast... more of the 'store and mall' shopper...
A certain difficult phase made me go on this shopping spree of sorts, intended to be nothing but a stress-relieving affair!
It was beyond lovely... I cannot describe the myriad of colours i was engulfed in!

This was an exhibition held at Palace Grounds, Bangalore, called Dastakar : Nature Bazaar! (Dastakar meaning Tradesman/Crafts-person in Hindi)

The moment I set foot into the compound, I just felt so much better, there was this utterly charming energy about the whole place! I was on a roll, shopping left, right and center! Quenching my weaknesses for bags, jewelry and other trinkets! The most satisfying thing was that nearly everything at the exhibition was environment-friendly and organic.

                
Truly fulfilling, especially since i've become an eco-friendly junkie after turning vegan!

From upholstery to furniture to art pieces to apparel... name it and it was all there!

  

The flavours and textures of every state of the country were brought together in the most beautiful manner...

There was mouth-watering food as well... i had some bhajji pakoras, (spicy green chilly fritters) traditional Indian junk food!! Heaven! =) =P

A folk dance performance added to the vibrancy...........

Its just wonderful to see that nature is so full of gorgeousness!!! =)...

In its roots and through man's creations derived from it....

Annabel Lee

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of ANNABEL LEE;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love-
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsman came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me-
Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we-
Of many far wiser than we-
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride,
In the sepulchre there by the sea,
In her tomb by the sounding sea.

- EDGAR ALLAN POE

Love the rhythm... simple yet so wonderfully musical!

** Thanks Suniya!! =) =)

Uncertainty...

I battle with the world everyday, just to be myself...

I am at peace when I don't react to the negativity and those who judge...

But my peace is momentary... I always question myself... my beliefs... ideals...

Are you honest, if you live a life of sacrifice? Sacrifice that changes the person you are...

Can you measure happiness? Is happiness superficial?

Can you call your life your own, when you act for others?

Is it worth trading your life for an-others satisfaction and false perception of what makes you happy?

What is independence?

Is there a right or a wrong path to independence?

Are we right?

What is wrong?

The world must go on, they say....
Why must it?
Do we exist at all? 

In the mood to bake!! =)

I get these impulsive desires to cook sometimes!

Cooking can be a whole lot of fun, and pretty much an art in itself! Having an awfully sweet tooth, I enjoy making desserts the most!

Well, here is something good old GOOGLE helped me find! The recipe is aptly titled as the –

ABSURDLY EASY VEGAN CHOCOLATE CAKE!


Ingredients

3 cups flour (‘maida’ in hindi) (680 grams)

2 cups sugar (preferably powdered) (450 grams)

6 tablespoons cocoa (100 grams)

2 teaspoons baking soda (10 ml)
1 teaspoon salt (5 ml)
3/4 cup vegetable oil (200 ml)

2 tablespoon vinegar (30 ml)

2 teaspoon vanilla (essence) (10 ml)

2 cup cold water (480 ml)

Directions

Mix the dry ingredients. Sieving the dry mixture would be a good idea! Add the wet ingredients. Stir until smooth. Bake two greased, floured pans at 100-150 degrees for 30 minutes (do keep checking on the cakes while they are being done!).

Makes two layers of a two-layer, 9-inch or 8-inch round cake, or one small sheet cake.

When cool, frost it.

Eat.

Hmm, well most of this recipe  is taken from the original one on http://www.boutell.com/, excluding a few minor changes =)

I just love how crisp and precise the instructions were! =D Hats off to the creator!! =)

This recipe is so perfect for me, simply because you don’t really get ready-made vegan products here in India. Atleast, not as yet…

Everything I needed was already at home! Do comment!

Especially if you can think of any interesting vegan modifications, add-ons etc…!!

MY VERY OWN VEGAN FROSTING!


For one medium sized cake - 


100 gms powdered sugar
1 and a 1/2 tbsps of cocoa powder
50 gms margarine or vegetable oil ( I prefer olive oil (extra virgin) )
Water 


Stir all the ingredients in a saucepan over the stove. Add water as per desired thickness. Bring the mixture to a boil. To make the frosting healthier, lose the oil. A reduction of powdered sugar, cocoa and water makes a great frosting. Oil makes it richer though! Enjoy! =) 

Vibes...

The world around me is a frenzy of people who don't understand the person I am…

They ignore me, they judge me, and they call me foolish…

My quests are simple, they find them ridiculous…

They say I need to be conniving…

They laugh at matters I don't find funny, they laugh at me… It hurts when they do…

I am told I must try and fit in or just leave…

I refuse to believe that ideals have no value…

I refuse to ‘cope’ with the devious; I refuse to live this farce…

I love myself… I won't hurt ME…

Mind and melody...

Hold up... hold on... don't be scared
You'll never change what's been and gone
May your smile... Shine on... Don't be scared
Your destiny may keep you warm.

Cos all of the stars are fading away
Just try not to worry you'll see them some day
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out...

- Stop crying your Heart out by OASIS

When I'm all messed up, this song lifts me up to this incredibly positive trance... the words are so beautifully apt =)

It is truly amazing, how music can make you think and feel in a million different ways...

As i drift away from the 'unadventurous' and 'predictable'... i visualize a future... a happy one...
It has everything i want... I feel content... I feel right...

I feel free already...

Scared... and hurting...

It is beyond disturbing to see lives being taken away repeatedly, in the name of religious fanaticism... I've reached this point where i don't feel safe anymore... and I don't like it...

The German Bakery, a truly wonderful eat-out in Pune vanished last night, prey to terrorism... When in Pune last year, I fell in love with this place... the food, the people... everything about it was so warm and comforting... In the one week that i was there, i visited it thrice or so...

It had this natural, green ambiance... which instantly calmed one who entered... one would be lucky to see osho devotees playing instruments, meditating or sharing their thoughts with others... pretty much in their own trance...

The staff there, was always cheerful and ready to help...

It is rare to find eat-outs in India, where the staff is genuinely happy with their work... this was one of those places...

The people who died, were probably regulars there... who came in peace having absolutely no inkling that something of such magnitude could happen...

I always thought I would go back to the German Bakery when i visit Pune...

Nature is everything.

One farmer says to me, "You cannot live on vegetable food solely, for it furnishes nothing to make the bones with;" and so he religiously devotes a part of his day to supplying himself with the raw material of bones; walking all the while he talks behind his oxen, which, with vegetable-made bones, jerk him and his lumbering plow along in spite of every obstacle.
~Henry David Thoreau (American author, poet, naturalist, historian, philosopher, and leading transcendentalist...)

It is pretty shocking as to how 'meat-eaters' justify themselves so callously...
Pretty much  the same with those who use animal products....

They seem rather content with their 'lack of knowledge' of the same...

Of-course, it is a matter of personal preference and everything... But thinking about what you consume and the overall consequence of the same wouldn't do much harm...

On switching to vegan-ism ( seen using a vegan wallet ), i was told that the use of leather is intrinsically beneficial, as it is biodegradable... humph...

Does that justify animal-slaughter? What about plant-based products? Cloth, jute, synthetics too... aren't they biodegradable!?

I once, had a conversation with my brother about the use of leather... and he pretty much had the opinion that it is one of the most uncomfortable materials one could think of wearing...

In my ignorant carnivore days, i remember my foul-smelling leather wallet...
Didn't quite strike that it was nothing but dead skin...

Most animal skins, like hide and fur, even after extensive tanning, bleaching and de-odorising etc give out a foul and decayed whiff... meat too, only after cooking and seasoning, is 'relished'...

I guess humans are the only beings who kill for pleasure and in avarice... watch Natgeo sometime and you may just see a lion walking calmly alongside a zebra or deer when not hungry... or even a lioness adopting an orphaned antelope with much love...

Greed and ignorance dissolve life only faster... wish we could see that...