So here I am... writing again... With my most common opening phrase... Long overdue!!
So we all have our own little demons... And I think I just got rid of my biggest one! Low self-esteem!
I was always very passionate about a ton of things... music, animal welfare, art, photography... the list is endless...
But never took all of them seriously... I have myself to blame... treaded the easy path...
The easy path is no fun actually... it's a bore... predictable and safe...
So what happens when you start getting out of your comfort zone? You end up discovering so much more about yourself...
which is what happened to me in the past couple of months...
I was this person with absolutely no confidence... I failed to express myself most often...
The funny thing is, I was quite confident as a kid... I would sing, dance and act in all those extremely cliche competitions, recitals and annual days back in school...
You look at things in black and white when you're a child.... you don't, rather can't overanalyse...
You aren't affected by 'what people think of you'... You just 'be'..
Just like how animals live by instinct... they want something... they get it... simple...
Things get complicated when you get older... you have to be practical, responsible, careful about what you say... and all that hogwash...
Well anyway... moving on...
Music....
Was introduced to me at a very young age... My earliest memories of music are Jim Reeves' christmas carols that my father would oh-so-religiously collect over the years... He had every possible cassette released by Jim Reeves! And they were so comforting!
I grew up listening to all kinds of artists later... from Classical to Country to Pop!... And then my early teenage phase turned into the bubblegum pop phase... yes, stuff like Aqua, Bewitched!!
Which finally graduated into a Bon Jovi/ GnR and metal phase by the time I turned 16! MtV played a huge role at the time!
I owe my love for music to my father actually... had it not been for his interest in music... i might have missed out on some great stuff...
Yanni, Connie Francis, Abba, Vivaldi, the Beegees, Chris Rea.... my memory of listening to these on loop during family road trips will never fade away!
I attended music classes in primary school.. Most Indian parents send their kids for Hindustani music... and thats what happened!
But nothing stuck... because my dad had a transferable job and my teachers kept changing...
After school... I pretty much gave up on all my interests... just scraped through 5 years of college studying something I hated... focussing more on how crappy my life was, instead of looking for a silver lining...
I always loved singing, but guarded myself by singing only in groups... I would flatly refuse even when I was handed opportunities to go solo...
It was in my third/fourth year of law that I felt this void and decided to take up classes for guitar... my favourite instrument! Learned some basic chords and strumming from a small institute... and started using Youtube and online tabs for further guidance... Things phased out again... I had other stuff to worry about... Job... Money...all of that stuff..
Jumped three jobs in two years and ended up being more clueless than ever... The third job was my last resort... I had to stick with something..
So I stuck... and still am! And this time, I made a conscious decision to have a life outside work... So, four months back, I found Nathaniel School of Music in Bangalore... I had always heard of all the big names in the Bangalore Music circuit... but never knew that they were imparting musical education as well... Decided to give myself a kickstart... And quite a kickstart it was... I took up a course called Music Method, which gives you the opportunity to perform on stage at the end of four months of learning... And boy, what a ride it was...
I learnt things I had no clue about... met some amazing people... and jammed my heart out!
And last week, I played at my graduation concert with my fellow classmates; and as cheesy as this sounds, it felt like re-birth... A part of me felt like a child again... the same kid who would fearlessly sing and dance in school plays and competitions...
I even gave an impromptu speech on stage...! (which is so unlike me!)
Things seem easier now... I don't have to struggle... Just have to 'be'...
In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt -
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.
You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'
You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
